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TOPIC: Finally, at 59

Finally, at 59 2 years 4 weeks ago #5245

  • bg91968
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I finally discovered I have Aphantasia.

I experience very vague, distorted, black & grey images that pop into my mind on their own, but if I turn my
attention to them, they immediately fade to black.

I can never see anything, if I try with my eyes closed.

I can get an extremely vague, fleeting image (less than 2 seconds), if I try with my eyes
open and not focused on anything.

I never see any color except extremely vaguely, and then, only when my eyes are open.

I never dream in color and see vague distorted black and grey images which I almost never remember.

The way I remember things, is to come up with a narrative to describe them. i.e the shirt is white with blue vertical stripes.

I can't experience smells when they are not present.

I can't experience pain when it is not present, but I experience the fear of pain and the events that previously caused the pain.

As with others, I can only see words / letters when I am looking at them and see no images associated with any word.

I can't hear voices in my head, but I can perceive, but not hear spoken words. I am not sure how I can perceive spoken words without a "voice" but I do.

The biggest struggles I face are:

1) I am perceived rightly, as "talking too much". Makes sense as detailed language is my only choice for dealing with information
2) I read very slowly though I remember allot. The reason it takes so long is that create a narrative in my own words as I read to remember it.
3) I make allot of mistakes when transfer visual information such as when I measure and cut a non square board. I end up with the slant (for instance) cut the wrong direction. I am very good at comparing things visually with my eyes open, such as which wrench is used on a particular bolt.

Well that about sums it up as things sit right now. I have tried so many methods to improve my reading speed but none of them worked due to the fact that they ALL required visualization as a basic skill :(

It would be nice to hang out with people that have similar experiences, but I am glad I am not married to one. My wife and I have different strengths and weaknesses so together, we can competently handle almost all of what life hands us.

I do not think my life has been significantly affected by this condition however, my biggest regret is that I can not visualize the faces of those I love foremost and my friends as well.
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Finally, at 59 1 year 5 months ago #39776

  • rubo
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I totally understand. I just found out Aphantasia was a thing while listening to a podcast and the caller was describing her experience with Aphantasia and I'm thinking....wait I'm just like her, doesn't everybody think like this? I'm 34 and just now finding out that my brain is different. I'm confused and relieved at the same time cause now I think I have some answers as to why my memory of childhood is so vague. Have you experienced that as well?
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