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New to Site! 10 months 1 week ago #39646

  • colleen_13
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I am glad I learned the name of this condition and that I found this group!

My biggest frustration is that although I am excellent with words, and they pop into my head with great regularity, I cannot write creatively. It requires so much imagination to write fiction and poetry, and I have yet to find a way around this. I am also an avid reader, but I have always had great difficulty visualizing descriptions of characters and scenery. If a piece does not grab me and sustain me on an emotional level, it's impossible for me to enjoy it.

I am also glad to see it confirmed that memory is compromised. I have often wondered why I have so few memories and tend to have an "out of sight, out of mind" approach to relationships, even towards the ones I treasure. The benefit of this is that no matter how emotionally triggered I feel, I know that in just a few short hours, it will all fade away.

I do not have a desire to spend money on travel only because I know that I will forget the experience as soon as I get home. I feel like I am forced to live in the moment whether I want to or not, and I wonder how this impacts my worldview and sense of self. I also don't like to go to unfamiliar places because it's very difficult for me to visualize directions, and I end up feeling vulnerable at best, stupid at worst.

Although my ability to visualize is greatly impaired, I do hear music in my head and can remember lyrics to thousands of songs, even if I haven't heard them in ages. I also feel very deeply and have "feeling" memory.

I also dream nightly and in vivid detail. It is so confusing that I am capable of this type of mental visual experience while sleeping, but not while I'm awake.

Thanks for listening! I'm looking forward to learning more from all of you!
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New to Site! 10 months 1 week ago #39649

  • Shark
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I used to visualize but I’m blind eyed now
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New to Site! 10 months 4 days ago #39658

  • lackita
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Wow colleen_13, it sounds like my aphantasia is more severe (my dreams don't have pictures and I can't hear music), but you're struggling a lot more with it. I wonder if it's harder because in a way you know what you're missing. I don't know if what works for me will help you, but maybe something in my experience will be useful.

I haven't tried much creative writing, but what has proved immensely helpful in other creative endeavors is to sketch out what I'm trying to visualize. They don't look great, but the simple act of making the picture I can't create in my head helps me fill in details. Maybe a storyboard as a first step, even if the final product has no pictures would help there.

I could see how travel might be hard. I've still enjoyed it in spite of me limited ability to recall, I remember the way it made me feel instead of visuals. My wife is also really good at taking lots of photographs, so I can draw on that if I want a visual. Honestly, though, I have very little desire to recall those experiences, I guess I travel more for new experiences than to create memories.

I have found that, now that I know I have aphantasia, using tools such as sketching and photographs have helped me fill the gap. I'm not good at either one, but now that I know it's a missing element in my experience, forcing myself to create those things had been useful.
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New to Site! 10 months 1 day ago #39669

  • Jojo W
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Colleen_13. I somewhat remember advents if they have a strong emotion attached to them. I can't close my eyes and see my wonderful hubby of 39 years. I do not remember words to songs easily. I dream, yet can't remember by the time I go pee. I can organize at work, yet when it comes to running a household, and doing bills, I am very deficite. I am no good at writing and descriptions, yet love reading. Yes, 'out of sight, out of mind' is my motto. I don't care to travel or go to concerts, as I will forget it and it is not worth the money. If I am going somewhere new, hubby has to take me there while I take notes, that is after we have found the lest confusing route. On directions I suck.
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