This is going to sound crazy guys. I always knew I was bad at visualizing and maybe five years ago it dawned on me that other people can. I tried googling it but didn’t know what to search for, and today I finally hit the jackpot with a name for the condition, and also calling it a blind mind’s eye sounds perfect.
I basically see no images but occasionally i can see blobs or dots on a black background if I try really hard or it just happens naturally when I’m falling asleep once in a while.
Since I did so much research on this disorder today, and some people think the mind’s eye is a learnable skill, i tried as hard as I could to think of the simplest things, even just colors.
In order to do this, I had to close my eyes and physically hold them shut with my fingers, sensory deprivation I guess. I had to do this because every time i try to picture something my eyes would want to open to see it. It’s like my brain is incapable of turning “off” my real sight so I can imagine, and that’s why all I see is nothing, aka black or the back of my eyelids.
I have never tried this hard to visualize, but I feel like i finally did on an extremely basic level, like that part of my brain is still an infant. I was able to sort of start seeing white dots which made me imagine I was flying through space. If I didn’t hold my eyes shut they would try to open to see what they thought was there, and my mind would often just barely see the dots and then my eyes took over and I saw the back of my eyelids. It’s almost like s part of my consciousness jumped from feeling like it was in my mind to being in my eyes so to speak.
Anyway after a while I started to see purple blobs floating in black “space” and tried hard to focus on that. It was so hard to stay in that place and not go back to my eyes, almost impossible. I found that breathing and sort of trying to “meditate” (which I’ve never been able to do) helped me stay there longer. Also telling myself or making myself feel that I should not use words to think.
Eventually I felt like I was “in” my mind, and was able to try really hard and see the blobs turn into dark shades of colors I thought of even if just for a second. I also got a few very blurry shapes. I tried to tell my brain to turn the background white instead of black and I eventually saw some white or gray kind of “fog” come into my mind’s eye. But I had the hardest time not going back to my real eyes.
And when I was seeing the blobs or dots that looked like stars, I sometimes could feel a sensation like I was really there and flying though space. Keep in mind I’m in my early thirties and have never been able to picture anything. It’s like in order to be in my mind’s eye my very basic pictures have to come out of my mind and not my eyes. I even felt the sensation of things moving from my forehead and into my field of mind’s eye vision, but had to try so hard to not look with my real eyes which would immediately end what I was seeing.
Has anyone had this experience and what do you think? Does anyone know or can understand what I mean on some level? Thanks
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